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Tekst piosenki Quarantined


Whenever I see someone outside of their house –
and let’s face it: you should never, ever leave your house,
even if you run out of food.
And when someone says “I need toilet paper”,
I simply have to take over.
I know, I know!, exactly what they need – a bidet.
And now you must go home,
even if you have to go home all alone.
Believe me, I’m determined you’ll concede,
follow my lead, and yes indeed, you will be…

Quarantined,
you’re gonna be quarantined.
I’ll teach you how to succumb to this new boredom
techniques to “work” from home.

Oh, I’ll show you what shows to watch,
how to itch your crotch.
No one ever needs to know, ’cause you’re…

Quarantined.
I’ll help with your quarantine.
You’ll learn about conference calls
as the stock markets fall
how to use your new bidet.
So let’s start, ’cause pooping happens, most likely today.

Don’t be offended by my frank analysis,
think of this as hypochondria paralysis.
Now that I’ve chosen to become your pal,
your teacher and your warden,
think of your good fortune,
welcome to life in…

Quarantine.
I’ll help with your quarantine
I know that you hate canned foods,
that you drank all your booze,
and you’re scared ’cause you got laid off,
and you won’t get unemployment ’cause you were a contractor. Scoff!
La la, la la!

I gotta make you quarantined.
Even if you go stir crazy,
take tough love, it’s for your safety,
I’ll remind you on your own behalf
to think of the success in South Korea,
and containment in Taiwan.
Were there vaccines or magic?
Don’t make me laugh.
They were quarantined. Please…
It’s all about quarantines.
It’s also about testing kits,
and organized government,
but that’s not the point of this song.
it’s that not staying quarantined is wrong.

Why, look at you: tucked in with a puzzle and your Netflix…
Oh… Clorox wipe? Purell?
You’re welcome…
And though you protest,
and you are depressed,
I know it’s your destiny.
You’re gonna grin and bear it,
your newfound quarantine!
Ah! La la, la la!
You’ll be quarantined;
just not quite as quarantined as me!

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